Full-on Depression

That’s what my wife’s friend called what my wife is going through. Other terms like ‘dead inside’ and ‘feels like crawling out of her skin’. I’m not arguing this. She is.

So now what? I don’t know. Part of me is angry because I want to treat her like she treated me when I was depressed, telling me things like ‘suck it up’ and ‘it’s all in your head’. But I don’t really want to do that to her.

Part of me doesn’t think it can be that bad. Her friend says she’s not suicidal. So, where was everyone when I wanted to drive my car off a cliff twice in December. Or that night I stared at the medication bottles which would to most, best damage. I’m a little jealous that she has support and I didn’t/don’t. She is going to get through this depression of hers quickly and I’m still going to be dealing with it. It feels like a phase for her and it’s a plague to me.

She still will never know what it’s like to be me. Until you completely rely on Jesus to get you home when your body wants to steer your car. I have the same panic attacks she does. She will try to tell me she relates to me, but she doesn’t to the same degree.

Whatever, I don’t matter. I don’t have feelings. So, I’ll be supportive of her because no one should suffer this. The sooner I can get her out of it, the better for her.

~James

2 thoughts on “Full-on Depression

  1. You do matter. A common misconception with men and mental health is that we compare our struggles with those of our female counterparts. Your feelings matter but maybe you need to tell her these things. I am not trying to tell you what to do, for from it. The blame game in a mental health relationship is not helpful. I hope I am not being preachy.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You matter. I hate that this is how it’s unfolding. You matter a lot. And this being pivoted to all about her needs now that she’s the one suffering depression seems like a massive mind fuck. I dunno dude. You have been working on your desire to be better for awhile. Solid work. Prayer. Therapy and talking. Trying to work with her. She rolls over and whines to friends and again- you’re the one who has to do the work? *shrug* I don’t know what she is going through but I feel like she is a glorified roommate and she’s using you

    Liked by 1 person

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