My Feelings Get Dumped

Here……

I’m broken too. I guess I’ve been broken longer, so everyone is used to it and tired of it.

I have mornings where I don’t want to face the day but I’m told I must face the day. My wife gets told it’s okay to lay in bed all day, just can’t do it every day.

I have panic attacks that cause me to dry heave and gag, and no one seems concerned, but Anna has a couple of panic attacks and they suggest she go to the doctor.

I have so much anxiety sometimes that I stare at the medicine cabinet talking myself out of taking all of the hard stuff to either take the pain or take the life. I’ve day dreamt about driving off a cliff while driving down the highway. And I do not own a gun because I don’t trust myself. My wife has never had that type of anxiety, yet, she gets pampered and coddled.

I have feelings too. I have wants too. I have needs too. But I’m on a temporary hold until my wife is better. But really she put my wants, needs and feelings on disregard years ago.

So, where do I go with my feelings? Here. I come here where no one knows me, but the only place I feel safe to share.

So, what’s next? I just keep moving forward. I’m a veteran at this depression and anxiety and worthless feeling. I’ll help her get better, because she will and can. Maybe I’ll learn some stuff too.

~James

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