So Confused

Two weeks ago, we met with this married couple. They are helping us in our marriage. We discussed open and honest communication and how important it is and then even practiced it.

Now the wife in that couple, who my wife has spent a lot of time together with lately, is telling me that my wife wants me to pursue her even as she is pushing me away. I’m supposed to talk to her even though she is constantly avoiding me. I say I love you and I get no response. She walks upstairs to bed without saying a single word to me. She lays in bed facing the other direction, ignoring me when I leave for work so she doesn’t have to see me.

Am I crazy? Doesn’t that sound the OPPOSITE of honest and open communication? How can this be the recommendation?

Now, I can get behind irrational thoughts and behavior-I mean, I’m the king of that. So are we saying that she is no longer rational? Is that what I’m dealing with here? Or is this just some kind of strange twilight zone kind of test?

I’m so confused. Confused and a little bitter because when I’m in the shoes she’s in, (riddled with anxiety and full of depression), I’m still expected to be open and honest and tell my feelings.

Whatever. I’ll keep chugging along.

Also, please, If you are reading this and feel the need to comment, only comment with positive words. I use this blog as a journal and I have no problem turning off comments. I only allow it to be a public journal so if someone out there is experiencing the same things I am, they can feel that they are not alone.

~James

p.s. I’m starting up the Gratitude Journal again…probably tomorrow.

Categories DepressionTags

4 thoughts on “So Confused

  1. So. I know your marriage really matters to you. So … yes, this may be backwards. She may not be able to tell you these wants but by utilizing this woman , she is telling you?

    Instead of completely leaving her be in the bed, can you spoon her? Rub her bum, see if she scootches into it? Whisper you love her into her ear and snuggle in. Don’t always pursue sex. Pursue intimacy? And let her know you need some encouragement. Green yellow red … so if she really can’t explain or express she can at least let you know whether it’s ‘keep going ‘green’, just stick with that one cuddle bit ‘yellow’, or ‘red’ im having super rough times and need you to stop. Make the communication side very easy for her, and you.

    And leave her some love notes. Just stickies where she will find them. Proud of her. She’s beautiful. Thanks for our life together. Communication isn’t always about conversations face to face, it can be about having continuous dialogue and being open to hearing messages.

    I hope this couple can be a good conduit for you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. At the moment, yes, this woman is able to tell me this. Obviously not a sustainable model, but it might just get us through to the next step.

      Good ideas that I have thought of, have not tried out

      Like

    2. By the way, my gratitude posts are also hand written in a journal out for her to easily see.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. She may not like you at that moment but she still wants you to pursue her.

    She may be lost in her on mind and get the words out to express her feelings but she still wants you to pursue.

    She may be silent but she wants to know you want her…even non sexually.

    Make her some coffee or something before you head off to work.

    If you don’t help with household chores like doing the dishes or washing clothes start and talk with while doing so.

    If she is cooking dinner just a quick peck on the neck says everything.

    Just some ideas!

    Liked by 1 person

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