I just want to give up. Life sucks. Or at least it’s my made up hard life.
I’m trying to figure out what’s real. My emotions are real, but are they justified?
I feel like my wife doesn’t like me. I can come up with hundreds of pieces of evidence to back that up. And just because I have a hard time finding evidence to prove that wrong, doesn’t mean it’s truth.
Work has been terribly stressful. I can’t keep up, my workload is unrealistic. My boss is doing nothing about it. Yet, I feel like I’m not measuring up. I feel like I’m not enough. I feel like I should be more.
At home, I am not completing projects. I’m not helpful enough getting chores done. I go from being tense at work to being tense at home.
At church, I feel like I am holding so much together. We are down to a part time pastor, who’s old and can’t do it all. Typically, our church has 2 full time pastors and 1 part time. So there are a few of us trying to hold it all together.
All of this is toxic for me. The 3 most important aspects of my life after for some reason being extremely demanding.
This doesn’t even include that my mom had a hip replacement and along with that multiple complications.
My sister in law going nuts and the possibility of my wife and I having to Foster her kids.
Life is so overwhelming.
The thought of leaving or just ending it all comes across my mind often.